Things that Nobody Tells You About: Childbirth

You're over the moon excited & probably more than a little bit anxious.  It's the *biggest* thing you've done in your life thus far... the act of giving birth.  There is so, So, SO much hype around this topic - and for good reason of course - it is a HUGE thing your body is going to do.  It's not always easy (ok, never really "easy") & yes, a lot of things could potentially go wrong (but DON'T worry about that - deal with things as needed) but guess what... it is also (usually) only 24 hours or less of your life.  Now I'm not discounting the difficulty & importance of giving birth, but I've noticed that sometimes new mamas-to-be get so crazed with planning for/thinking about/worrying about giving birth that they sometimes lose focus on the actual act of giving birth itself... not to mention all that comes after it!  & let me tell you, it is a pretty amazing thing.*

 (This was my view from my L&D room bed.  Why I was snapping photos like this while in labor I couldn't tell you.  Maybe I knew I was going to blog about it someday?)

So my "things that nobody tells you" about childbirth isn't going to be too-too technical.  Or scary. (I hope!)  I'm going to try to keep it informative & try to steer away from those commonly discussed fears.  For example,  I'll give you my 1 sentence synopsis of the fear of pooping on the bed right now (yes, I know we all have it) - guess what - when the time comes you either 1) won't even know you did it or 2) won't even care.  Nor will anyone else in the room.  Remember, those nurses/doctors see this stuff every day.  Nothing phases them.

Now, moving on past that... I apologize in advance for how scattered this post may be.  It's been very hard to organize all of my thoughts on this topic & also not "overshare" any information.  I set it up by stages - starting with your last 5-6 weeks of pregnancy through labor & delivery).

I also preface this post by telling you that I am writing from personal experience where I had a complication-free pregnancy, and a complication-free vaginal birth with an epidural.  I am not saying this is the "right" way to do things - I fully believe that each birth is different & YOU have to do what is right for YOU & YOUR BABY.  So no judging allowed.  (I know, difficult since this is such a personal area where many of us get very passionate about it.  Especially when we're hormone-charged.)  Like my breastfeeding "advice" I truly am writing this as a form of support for anyone who may be googling.  Here we go!

The Weeks Leading Up (the good)

I feel the need to include this area because, most likely, in the month leading up to your due date you'll be seeing your OB on a weekly basis.  As a part of that check up you'll likely start some physical "exams" - i.e. they are going to stick their hand/fingers to check to see if you are beginning to dilate (open up) & efface (thin out).   For those of you who are unfamiliar with those terms, here's a great image (for illustrative purposes) from the book I received in my childbirth class at Yale New Haven Hospital to help you understand what they mean.

(notice that they use a wine bottle & mason jar to represent your cervix?  This hospital is after my heart.  Sorry it's a crappy i-phone photo of the page in my book but I really couldn't find a good image anywhere online & wanted to share because I remember going nuts trying to google what this meant when I was around 35 weeks or so)

So after your exams, you'll likely either be excited (yay! I'm thinning at 36 weeks!  maybe this baby will be early!) or annoyed (rats! no progress yet?!  This baby is going to go overdue!)  But guess what - how far along you are dilated and/or effaced means diddly squat.  I was 70% effaced at 36 weeks... & progressed weekly from then on.  & guess what - I was still late!

NONE of the old wives tales will help get that baby born any sooner than he/she is ready to.  I tried them all & I'm sure you will too, but nothing worked.  (However many of them are fun & will keep your otherwise impatient mind occupied/distracted from the constant wait for baby, so go for it!) Be sure to talk to your Doctor well ahead of time to know what their policy is on induction.  (Mine was 10 days overdue).  & know that it really is pretty common to be induced!  For example, of a group of 10 of my good friends from college, 4 of us were expecting within a 3 month period (so fun, btw) - 2 of the 4 of us were induced, & 1 ended up with a C-section too.

Writing your Birth Plan is a good thing... keeping an open mind to stay Flexible during your actual delivery is even better.  If you're a bit of a control freak (ahem) & you've never given birth before (ahem, ahem) you probably are spending a good deal of time planning every single second of what you think you'll want during labor/childbirth.  Being prepared is GOOD.  However, staying open minded to accommodate your changing preferences during birth or any medical necessity that may come up during the birth is soooooo important.  If it's your first time, you don't know what it's like yet.  Your second/third/fourth/fifth (you're crazy) - remember that every birth is different.  & for heaven's sake, don't beat yourself up about not following your pre-written plan to a T - do what is best for you & your baby.


Labor (the bad)

Did you know that Labor can stall out?  I didn't, but I found that out the hard way. Exactly 1 week past my due date, after weeks of Braxton-Hicks contractions & being 1-2cm dilated & 90%effaced, I woke up at 3am with REAL contractions.  - & don't worry - you'll know when they are REAL.  So I woke up with them & went downstairs to walk around the house & start timing them. (loved the FullTerm app) They were still going strong, and 7 minutes apart when Dan came down & found me on the couch at 7am.  Needless to say, he called out of work.  This was going to be "the day".  Fast forward to noon, when after 4 walks around our block and 3 calls to the OB my contractions had spaced out to 20 minutes.  Then 3 hours!  Then 4 hours.  Yep.  Stalled Labor.  To say I was mad would be an understatement.  I walked my little tail off.  I drank more water than an entire football team.  You would not have wanted to be around me.  Until they started back up regularly around 7:30pm that night.  (we went to the hospital at midnight, Kate was born at 9:42am)

Conversely, did you know that labor can last only a very few hours?  I'm told it is almost always faster with your second child, but for some people the entire process also moves very quickly with their first!  As in 2-3hours or less!  Basically, when it comes to labor there is no "normal".

You don't go to the hospital the minute your contractions start.  Or the minute your water breaks.  (again, I say this is in most low-risk pregnancies).  It is nothing like the movies.  I had to wait until my contractions were steadily 4-5 minutes apart & lasted at least 2 minutes before my doctor told me to head in to the hospital.  & bonus - if you're not far enough along the hospital may send you home or send you out to walk around & come back & be re-checked in a few hours.  HOWEVER, I do suggest that you should follow what your body is telling you & if you really feel the need to go in - go.  You never know if that baby is going to decide to speed up his/her arrival & it can happen in a matter of minutes.

When your water breaks, it isn't always a huge gush with amniotic fluid splashing out onto the floor. Sometimes it's a small "gush gush".  Sometimes it is a tiny trickle that you don't even notice amidst all of the other discharge that starts coming out when you go into labor.  (your monthly period's got nothing on this.  Have the pads ready, ladies.)  & because all pregnancies are different, your water might break at different points of your labor.  If it breaks at the beginning (when contractions are still far apart) you may still be waiting a while) however, it could also be an indicator that you're labor is about to speed up & that baby is coming soon!  (not usually within 5 minutes like those TV shows make it seem).

Your mucus plug looks like the worlds biggest slug & it often comes out in pieces/parts.  Sometimes in the weeks/days before labor, sometimes only during labor.  Mine came out around 10pm the night before Kate was born.  This was the grossest part of the whole experience for me (however you'll never be more excited to see something so disgusting in your life because it means the end is near).  I'll stop at that on this one...

Oh & bonus - you may also be totally nauseous & throwing up while you're in labor too.  I threw up 3 times in my most active 7 hours of labor.  So I highly recommend that you stay hydrated & start drinking even more water the moment your labor does start.  (& avoid any foods that you don't want to see come up again in semi-digested form)

Back labor = the WORST lower back pain you've ever experienced in your life.  I don't know what regular labor pains are like, since mine were 100% in my lower back (due to my sweet little baby's head position) but poor Dan almost gave me a black&blue bruise massaging my lower back through contractions as I was yelling for him to push harder.  Ouch.  Rumour has it regular/front contractions are like the worst period cramps EVER & then some.

 (Dan snapped this photo of me, about 1 hour before I gave birth.  I'm exhausted & super swollen from having so many fluids pumped into me.  Holy double chin.  The ONLY reason why I'm sharing this is to combat all of those cute little pregnant woman giving birth photos you see online.  If you're one of those lucky women, good for you, I was not!)

The Nitty- Gritty Delivery Stuff (the ugly)


If you know that you *might* want the epidural, tell the doctors early.  You will need a certain amount of fluids before they can give you the epidural, which will take some time to get in you (mine took 2.5 hours after the IV was hooked up).  Even if you decide you don't want the epidural, at least you have the option as labor progresses, because you DON'T want to run out of time to get one.   Talk to your doctor about this ahead of time to find out what your hospital's requirements are.  (& while I won't promote or poo-poo the epidural, I will share with you that I did get one & I don't regret it at all.  I was still very present through the birth & felt that the epi gave me a little bit of time to rest before the hard work began.  Which brings me to...)


PUSHING!  Hands down, the hardest work you'll ever do.  Hands. Down. !!! If I can tell you what , in my opinion, is quite possibly the most important thing about giving birth it is DO NOT BE AFRAID TO PUSH!  The more afraid you are (of it hurting, of tearing, etc) the more you'll be a wimpy pusher, which will mean that you need to push for longer.  (boooo)  The best thing you can do is really push with all of your might;  it will faster, less stressful for the baby, and less chance of needing a c-section;  you've come this far, that's the last thing you want!  (unless it is safer for you & the baby - in which case, yes, you want it!)  Also, side note, when you "push" it's the same way you push when you're pooping.  It literally feels like you're pooping out the baby.  

On that note, talk to your Dr. ahead of time on what his/her policy is on doing an episiotomy or not, to make sure you are on the same page.  There are different schools of thoughts on if they are good/bad for you.  I'll share with you that my Dr. said that she would not be cutting me unless it looked as though I was going to tear badly (as in, not in a natural way that would heal on its own). & in case you'd like to know, No, I wasn't cut, Yes, I did tear (bad) but in the long run, I have healed up just fine.  (If anyone is scared & would like more detail feel free to email me because mine was pretty bad - but again, I tell you it really wasn't that bad).

oh, & I should mention, you don't push the entire time you're in labor.  Your body will let you know when it's ready to push (& your doctor/nurse/midwife will confirm).  Even if you have an epidural, you'll still get the need to "push".

Your husband (or significant other, or whomever else you choose to have in the room with you) will probably be asked to help hold up one of your legs.  Your L&D nurse will hold up the other & your Doc will be right down below in all of the action ready to catch (literally) the baby.  This means that he will have a very good view of everything that's going on down there.  Guess what, you're not going to care.  Beforehand I thought I wouldn't want Dan to see anything that might potentially gross him out in the future.  In the moment, that was the last thing I was concerned about.  & he was absolutely ecstatic to see her little head starting to come out & be the first to really "see  her".  It also helped to make him feel more a part of the whole process.

& yes... there is a very good change (50/50) that you may poop all over while you're pushing - but you honestly really won't care!!!!

A few additional things I can speak of on the actual labor/delivery:

- you're going to have to hold perfectly still while the anesthesiologist put's it in.  You''ll most likely be sitting up & leaning over against your nurse (who will be your BFF by now).  You will have contractions which will make you want to move - don't!!!  It will be well worth it. 

-Don't be afraid of the catheter (if you do get an epi they will need to set this up for you).  I was quite possibly most nervous/embarrassed about this.  But it really took about 5 seconds to set up & was no big deal.
- You're not allowed to eat/drink once you have the epi - but trust me, you won't miss it.  The LAST thing I wanted during active labor/delivery was any food or drink.  Dan even had to hide my beloved Starbucks water bottle from my sight while we were in the delivery room.  (so much so that we then forgot it there, only to have some nice nurse from the L&D floor at Yale fedex it to our house 2 weeks later.  yay!)
- If you can feel it wearing off - ask for more!  I've known 2 people who's epi wore off right before they actually gave birth & they felt EVERYTHING.  I asked for a bit more the moment I could start to feel it wearing off (which happened to be about 2 hours before Kate was born - good timing!)
- You will still be able to feel things while on the Epi.  You just won't feel the pain.  You'll feel pressure, the need to push, etc... you'll still know that you're giving birth, so don't be afraid that you'll somehow miss out on that.

- All of those breathing techniques you learned?  They may go right out the window.  Mine did.  I just did my own thing & it worked for me.  Plus, your nurse/dr/midwife will coach you if/when needed. 

- Don't be afraid of pitocin.  If you get the epidural, it is VERY common for labor to slow down, especially in first-time moms, so they may give you a bit of this to keep it moving.  Like the epidural, it won't hurt you or the baby.  & the last thing you want is to be in labor for any longer than you have to OR to have your labor stall out! 

- Bouncing on a yoga ball/moving around REALLY does help.  It helps keeping things moving labor-wise, it helps keep you distracted (through the pain) & can actually be comfortable.  Walk, Walk, Walk, Bounce, Bounce, Bounce! 

The Afterbirth (no, not the gross kind... which BTW you will barely realize is happening too)

There will be blood  & lots of it.  Regardless if you have a vaginal birth or c-section you are still going to bleed/discharge all the insides for the better part of 6 weeks If you want to breastfeed- make it known and request to speak with a lactation consultant. They are there to help and sometimes if you don't speak up to talk to someone you may be discharged before you get a chance. They can assist you with all your frantic worrying about why the baby won't latch, or how to position a tiny baby's head next to your gigantic boobs (insanity!), etc.  Also- there are no stupid questions!!!!! they want you to succeed too!  (see all of my BF related posts too!)

You will feel like you look sexy and have shed 500 pounds after the baby comes out. You will take a shower and put on a tight tank top (like the ones you wore during pregnancy that looked cute on your big, tight belly) it will NOT look cute now. Do NOT take pictures in them thinking you look hot. Maybe you do, but from personal experience it is a bad decision. robes, flowy dresses, empire waist whatever, place the baby over your belly in photos- all good decisions!

Remember our bodies are MADE to do this. That very night after giving birth I already felt like I could/would do it again. yes, it is kind of true what they always say about how mothers forget about the pain of childbirth.  I remember being in pain, but I honestly don’t remember how it felt exactly – it really is almost like that memory was erased. (Much of this post came from a 5page word document I wrote for my close girl friends within a month of giving birth, which I'm glad I wrote because I wouldn't have remembered as much detail now.  I'm sparing you all the full word doc version because it is a bit more graphic in nature!)

Finally, once it's all done, no matter how you give birth - Be Proud Of Yourself!!! This is a HUGE, BIG DEAL life event that you have just done - & you've done a GREAT job!!!! (I'm sure of it. :)

xoxo

p.s. What to pack in your hospital bag will be a completely different post.  Don't worry, I haven't forgotten this one.  As well as some other hospital tips & new baby behaviors that I wasn't expecting!

p.p.s. A big thanks to some friends (McKay & Brenda) for their input on this post!   & be sure to check out Oatmeal Lace for adorable bibs/burpclothes/blankets/diaper bags/crib bedding for your new little bundle of joy!  She does custom orders too!

p.p.s.s. Anyone who did a homebirth/natural birth/hypno-birth/C-section or any other mama's who have anything else to add please please leave more input in the comments!  I'd love for this to be as full of a resource as possible.  But please remember when commenting that this is a NO JUDGEMENT POST.  I fully believe that each person's birth story is different & you need to do what is right for you & your baby. 


*I feel compelled to tell you that prior to getting pregnant, I was one of those girls who had a fear of giving birth basically my entire life.  A legitimate, I don't know if I ever want to do this, fear.  Surprisingly, after getting pregnant, that fear gradually decreased the bigger my belly got.  Even though I did spend a considerable amount of my pregnancy googling real-childbirth stories & read everything from the good to the bad to the ugly.  So, I just thought I'd share with with you all, in case any of you are also suffering from that fear. :)

p.p.s.s.s. In case you missed it, here's the things that nobody tells you about pregnancy post!